Purple Elephants
by Golden Days
Summary: Legolas was having a bad day. How bad, you ask? Well you'll just have to read this to find out...
1. The Magical Time Machine

Legolas Greenleaf was not having a good day.  
  
Oh, sure, you'll get ordinary bad days, but this was different. This was a BAD bad day.  
  
But just so you know how very bad it was turning out to be, please step into my magical time machine   
and I will take you back to the moment when Legolas first woke up.   
  
Here we are! My really neat, super cool, totally wonderful, magic time machine. And it even has a   
pencil sharpener! Imagine that.  
  
So please, step inside the Magical Time Machine (From now on known as MTM). Be sure to fasten you   
seatbelts securely, it gets rather bumpy at times. Looking to your left, you will see the Enchanted   
Coke Machine (ECM), and on your right is the very small, microscopic, extremly hard to see, emergency   
exit. Although I don't advise you to use it, unless you fancy floating in a never-ending vortex until   
the world ends.   
  
In fact, I really didn't even have to tell you about the emergency exit, because you will never find   
yourself in an emergency while in the MTM. It's only there for decoration. And because the Safty   
Inspector, for some weird reason, thinks that it would be better for everyone to be floating in a   
never-ending vortex until the world ends then it would be to be stuck inside the MTM as it crashed   
into an UFP (Unidentified Flying Potato) and blew up into millions of tiny, microscopical pieces, of   
which would neer happen, since it is impossible to find yourself in an emergency situation while in   
the MTM.  
  
Go figure.  
  
Anyway, ingore the door.  
  
If you would like a drink from the ECM, simply step up to it and state your desired drink in a clear   
voice. Also, don't stick your head under the place where the drinks come out. Trust me on this.  
  
Well, I belive that's all. I hope you have a great trip, and thank you for choosing the MTM!  
~~~  
*Insert big whirly swirly colors, weird noises, lots of tossing and turning, and a broken pencil here*  
~~~  
Well, here we are, where Legolas first woke up. And I do believe he is about to wake up right now! Go   
on, go on, go watch, so you can see just what a BAD bad day he really had... 


	2. A Lot of Big Discusting Creatures

Legolas opened his eyes slowly, and imediately wished his hadn't. In front of him stood an orc, of all   
things, grinning and smirking. No, not a cute little bunny rabbit, or a shy but graceful deer, not even   
a warg, for goodness sake, but an orc.   
  
Orc. Yrch. Big discusting creature of some kind that enjoys ripping apart your body and eating whatever   
the have the non-existant mercy to leave on the groud.  
  
Not to mention those five other orcs standing behind it.  
  
All in all, this wasn't the way Legolas had planned on getting up. But, he sighed inwardly, and, with   
almost inhuman speed, picked up his bow, grabbed a few arrows, and shot one of the orcs in the eye.  
  
As you probably guessed, the orc dropped to the ground, quite obviously dead. It has come to my   
attention that almost ANYTHING you shoot in the eye dies, and this orc was no exception.  
  
Of course, in an ideal situation, after seeing their comrade fall to the ground with an arrow in his   
eye, the rest of the orcs would have hurried away, grunting and snarling, and no longer grinning. But   
who says this was an ideal situation? Not me, for sure.  
  
No, the orcs didn't run away, so Legolas notched another arrow, fired, and hesiated for a fraction of a   
second, watching, with a small amount of enjoyment, as another orc flopped over on it's back and took   
it's last breath.  
  
And still, the remaining three orcs didn't run, so he shot again, and again, and again, and again,   
until it come to his attention that, either he had quite suddely become horrifyingly bad at archery, or   
more orcs had come into the area.   
  
Strange as it may seem, Legolas hoped it was the latter. After all, who wants to be surrounded by orcs,   
and quite suddenly find out that you have no earthy idea how to kill them? Not me, that's for sure.  
  
Yes, this was turning out to be a bad day for Legolas. As of now, it was a only a bad day. But pretty   
soon, you wil discover how it turned into a BAD bad day.  
  
Anyway, back to the orcs.  
  
After a little bit longer battle then Legolas had counted on, he found himself standing in a circle or   
dead orcs, bow in hand, with quite a few fairly deep scratches. But, the orcs were all dead, and that   
was the good thing.  
  
After all, Legolas might have been multi-talented, but he really didn't think he could manage bandaging   
his wounds AND fighting orcs at the some time.  
  
So, taking a deep, exaspererated breath and putting his bow down next to him, Legolas sat down and   
pulled a few bandages out of his pack.  
  
As I have said before, it was not turning out to be a good day. 


	3. Relativly Camellike

After a brief, unexpected delay, Legolas, wounds bandaged and supplies pack, was on his was to Rivendell. That was where he had been going all along, you see, but I hadn't the time to tell you last time. Anyway, he was going to Rivendell, and he was trying to hurry, because he was very hungry. You might ask why he didn't just take some food out of his pack. Well, I'll tell you. It was because the orcs stole his food.  
  
Now, the stealing of food by orcs has never made sense to me. People without a home, and therefore most definatly without food, will sometimes steal another persons food for themselves. That, though it's not right, I can understand. But orcs don't eat the food they steal. Instead, the take it a ways away, drop it on the group, and make absolutly certain to step on it multiple times. This I do not understand. Perhaps they are feeding the birds?  
  
But the point was that Legolas did not have any food on his person, and so he was heading for Rivendell at a fairly fast pace, because he was hungry. Yes, it is true that elves can go extended periods of time without food or rest, but it didn't mean that they go skipping meals on purpose, just to prove they can.  
  
Rather like camels. Camels can go for a long time without drinking, but when they come to a pool of water, why pass it by? I'm sure you can relate.  
  
But he was still quite a few hours from Rivendell, and that made him feel a little depressed, not to mention making him even more hungry then he already was. As you and I alreay know, today was not going to be a good day. 


End file.
